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The Gluten Strikes Back

Last weekend I went to Skywalker Ranch for the annual Lucasfilms Company Picnic, is a sentence I never imagined I’d hear myself say, ever.

My friend works for Lucasfilms and I was one of her guests at a lovely event that was way less Star Wars themed than I’d expected.

I didn’t even see anyone famous, that I know of.

There were grapevines, goats, horses, chickens, and cows. We took a horse-drawn carriage ride, waded in a pond, and saw lots of families with young children. Really it was more like a county fair. (And I LOVE the county fair!)

Hay girl!

I loaded my plate with some BBQ chicken, then perused the potluck-style salad table. Unbeknownst to my newly gluten-free self, one of the salads I served myself contained orzo — which is wheat! Gluten! In disguise!

I took one bite before my friend alerted me to this fact.

It had been 3 months since I’d eaten any gluten. I went along with this diet because my nutritionist said to, but I really didn’t think I had any gluten sensitivities. I’d been tested for food allergies and was free and clear. So I thought.

A couple hours later, I started feeling super tired. We were winding down and getting ready to head home anyway, after failing to find the face-painting tent.

I really wanted zebra stripes painted on my face.

Or a third eye that looked like a goat’s eye.

But nooooooo — no face-painting for me! We couldn’t find it anyway.

As we were driving out, my stomach started gurgling angrily. Major bloating and upset feelings came from there. Holy moly you guys — I’d been gluten’d!

I got home and crawled into bed and took a three hour nap with weird crazy dreams I can’t even begin to explain. I woke, disoriented, and a bit dazed. My head ached.

I had a small gluten-free dinner and some chicken broth, took my vitamins, and went back to bed.

I’m resigned to accept that I’m one of those people now. One of the Sensitives. No longer proudly downing pizzas and burgers and smashing beer cans on my head. (I actually never did that last part.)

I’m a delicate flower belly who has to watch herself at all the picnics and buffets. Blargh. Grrr. Unff. That’s how I feel about that. *pout*

In a random search for gluten-free meal plans, I ran across this podcast with a doctor who decided to educate himself and level up his knowledge so he could provide better care to all his patients.

Imagine, a doctor who doesn’t just prescribe you a pill or tell you it’s all in your head!

This podcast touches on everything — every single thing — I’ve been learning about my body lately. Thyroid, stress, neurological issues, gluten, and how it’s all connected. Science!

Seriously, ditch your general practitioner and find yourself a functional medicine doctor who actually cares about helping your body run its best. They don’t teach this stuff in mainstream medical school!

They just teach doctors to prescribe drugs and treat a handful of conditions — and if you are on your way to developing one of those conditions but haven’t yet, they just tell you to come back when you have! Sorry. It makes me so angry.

You don’t have to accept fatigue and brain fog or whatever else you’re dealing with as part of life, or “aging.”

Okay okay. *Steps gingerly off soapbox.* I’m going to go take a nap.

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